0
0
So, we all know the famous saying that big cities have the most fun. They’re constantly the envy of every single individual willing to mingle! However, today I must take a stand for the little homie, the smaller, lesser-known subspecies of city we refer to as the town! Whereas some people think single towns can only be cute and not sexy, I sensed a void of objectification needing to be filled and scoured the Earth for the baddest bourgs on the planet! Out of my own travels of course! I interviewed each entry, asking them to present themselves and why you, the eligible bachelor or bachelorette, should pick them to spend the rest of your life at!
1. Siwa Oasis, Egypt
Siwa Oasis here! If you like it hot, you’re gonna love me! I have a dry sense of humor, and a rocky temper but don’t worry ’bout that. I treat my lovers like pharaohs. You could get lost in my sand colored eyes, or swim in them like the oceans they are. Most people’s jaws drop when they see me. I’ve even been known to make potential suitors hallucinate. They’ve given up everything for me, choosing between a giant rock and a hard place! But today, I’m not looking to bother you. I just want you to be my darling! Not my baby but my Berber-y!
2. Chefchaouen, Morocco
I may be small but you’ve probably already heard of me. I’m that little blue cutie all the voyagers have gone gaga over. I’m always down to enjoy some hashish with my bae, staring over rolling green hills as we sip mint tea from the same cup… the cup of our love! You’ll never get bored of me, I’m a great listener and an even better belly dancer. I want someone with whom I can spend hours meandering our favorite topics with, like the streets of my old medina. I’m not as hot as you may expect from North Africa. Instead, I’m cool and calm. I like to keep the peace. Now I just need someone to hold me when I get the blues.
3. Saint-Emilion, France
I’m named after a saint and yet all my exes labeled me an angel. When you hear exes do you think bad of me darling? Maybe I’ve done things in the past I’m not proud of, but like a fine wine, I’ve matured into a graceful partner worthy of your affection. I want someone whose voice echoes like the sound of church bells ringing, ushering me to their side. We can stroll the neverending fields of the countryside and watch the sunset together. I may be a little fancy. I’m willing to admit that. But I want someone who knows how to treat a city and whose not afraid to spoil me. In return, I will shower them with love, overpouring like rain until it seeps into the earth and our romance blooms into a garden of 1000 Fleur de Lis.
4. Rothenburg ob der Tauber, Germany
I watch Fifty Shades a Grey twenty times a day. It allows me to recognize who I really am. See, I value honesty, a strong will; someone driven, who knows what they want. I’ll admit I’m demanding. But pain is the currywurst of love, and if torture is the sacrifice I need to make for you, I will gladly accept it. Don’t judge me before you’ve given me a chance. Alert, from the outside, I appear walled, reserved. But let me reunify the pieces. You’ll see the frosty exterior hides a rich soul, who doesn’t want to fight anymore. I’m strong without it. However, I could be stronger with you, so come with me. I want to take your hand so we can show everyone in the Biergarten our bond! Let us yodel the eternal melody of love!
5. Mestia, Georgia
Mestia here, but I doubt you’d remember that. Nobody seems to remember my name, nor my country’s. I’ve lived in solitude, cut off from the world, numb to the pain of the bitterest winter. Every night I scream into the Caucasus yet I never hear you call back to me. Isn’t there someone out there for me too? I’ve been hurt it’s true, you can see it in my bending timbers. But you, you make me feel ready to start anew! I just want someone who can make me whole again! Every time I stay held up in my Svan Towers, I watch the snow flutter by and think of my soulmate. My only solace is found in the bite I take of my Khinkhali. It heats up my gums and when I’m done, I wonder… if only I had someone to give all this warmth to…
6. Tozeur, Tunisia
My name’s Tozeur and I’m no poser! Other towns might think they have me beat but I’m really the hottest in these streets! Check my temperatures, check my sun! If you’re looking for feistiness I’m your number one. You want your name carved in my alleys? I’ll get it done. Honey I’m not lookin’ for beef, just keepin’ it a bun. See I want someone who gets me and forgets that I’m sketchy! Someone who sees me as an oasis and won’t overstress me. I may not always have the right words but I’ve got the nice arches. And they go Bab-ing for you so hop on my carpet. Hit the gas and start it we’ll go as high as the lightning. Cuz our hearts can’t be apart til those words stop rhyming.
In Conclusion
So, if you’re single and experiencing numbing loneliness, there’s a lot of sites out there for you including Kayak, Cheapoair, Expedia. Get tickets today and fly explicitly to these destinations. They’re looking for love and… oh I just checked the book (Green Eggs and Ham) and it says that’s your name!! Ooh!! Now go! Get married to a small town!! NOW!!
In all honesty, this is probably the cringiest Post I’ve written so far. It’s one of the more experimental approaches with a dumb but, I thought, fun concept. And it was fun to write but let me know what you thought. Idk if anyone noticed but I tried to write the first three as if the towns were female and the latter three as if they were male. If you got that, say so in the comments. If you hated it, DM me and I’ll send you my address for the smoke. Otherwise, read more of my shit and tell your friends or I’m gonna … uh… like wave a finger vaguely in your direction… on October 12th… 2023! Anyways, bye! Otherwise, if you still seeking single towns…
