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The hostel: an alternative to the inane capitalistic doldrums of the hotel industry or a wild cesspool thriving off the inherent darkness of the human race? Which is it?… Pikachu! That’s irrelevant but yeah the truth is predominantly found in the middle. Some hostels are flawless while others could do with less flaws. Either way, they guarantee a stay to remember for a lifetime!!
What am I going on about you ask? Well, read the title of the post!! I’m talking about my personal most memorable hostel experiences! That doesn’t mean best hostels or worst hostels but basically recounting funny or interesting stories I have from various hostel stays. Autocorrect wanted to say caribou hostel stags… that’s weird… just like these hostels! Btw, I don’t necessarily keep a clear definition of the hostel here cuz ya boi can’t be bothered by the English language in this episode.
1. Arabian Nights, Cairo, Egypt 🇪🇬
When mulling over ideas in my lab like a sexy Dr. Frankestein, this hostel immediately came to mind. Fittingly, things started roughly when my taxi driver couldn’t find the place yet demanded extra payment. Communication was an ordeal here, with Google Translate falsely converting my broken Arabic into Blasphemic rhetoric. Siri was tryna have us killed! Still, I remember this place best for the sweltering nights we shuffled between having no toilet paper to toilets flooding our entire rooms to the ac flirting with suicide. Fortunately, the hostel owner randomly invited us to do shisha with him from his hookah every night, laughing through boiled lungs as my friend and I got drunker than monks, flailing around like sexy Magikarp! Anyways, shisha is how I discovered the human capacity for love, taking the equivalent of like a bunch of cigs at once each night I think. Sometimes I don’t…
2. Meininger Hotel, Vienna, Austria 🇦🇹
This voyage to Österreich caused me to Christian it ‘Ghetto Germany’. I bet that’s totally inaccurate but get mad at 2018 me though he’s dead… And you really hatin’ on the dead?… Regardless, being near to the Vienna Hauptbahnhof, and bombast Döner Kebab, the funniness came from one of my fellow guests. This hostel had the distinction of shared beds, me sleeping with a Frenchman with a French name like Croissant Gui (short for Guillotine). This other lady goes to the bathroom. Normal. However, she never leaves. She starts howling to the heavens, transforming into a werewolf or Wookie. Moans turn into contorted shrieks between sighs of relief and anguish. Unable to sleep, we unilaterally decided to switch rooms, debating if she was masturbating or partaking in illicit drugs. When changing rooms, the receptionist shrugged, saying the lady’s constantly making these mysterious noises, as if numb to the cringe.
3. Sidsmums Travellers Retreat, Preixan, France 🇫🇷
Preixan, a tiny little village outside Carcassonne, is where this rustic little spot happened to be. Winning the award for the homiest hostel a homie has even been hosted in, the setup consisted of log cabins surrounding pits of pebbles and pretty basic outhouses, with a central longhouse. When I arrived, there was only one other traveler with whom I cooked Spaghetti, and talked to the hostel’s Australian owner about life and the Chilean roommate’s childhood dream of visiting Carcassonne due to a song bonded with my decision to visit Carcassonne because of the classic board game. This was just the most wholesome slice of a trip that in hindsight, could have benefitted from more little moments like this. Unquestionably, whoever Sids Mum is, she gets the thumbs up from Thumby K!! (My new streetname)
4. Gorge View, Niagara Falls, NY, USA 🇺🇸
I arrived on a Winter’s eve, breasteses battling the hailing skies over yonder. I discovered an old mansion-type abode, completely empty except for me and a friend from Germany, immediately establishing an eerie tone as the storm rumbled. Honestly, the entire American side of Niagara Falls was the deadest, ghostliest town I’d ever witnessed. Accordingly, we roamed the empty streets desperate for food with even the ghostly shells of men at McDonalds refusing our service because we tried to do the drive thru in an imaginary car. Forcing me to enter the most repulsive mode of being yet tapped, I ordered McDonalds delivered to the hostel from right outside the actual restaurant. Therefore, I was literally out there at midnight eating *soggy* McDonalds in a sketchy Victorian in a storm. Me, whose like Snackasaurus Rex and this is what I get for it 😭
Now the word soggy is used interchangeably for the word fuck and/or fucking, whichever was supposed to be used above, I can’t be bothered with trivial things like memory.
Gandhi
So, another list done! « Are you happy for me? Smile in my face but are you happy for me? I’m out the way are you happy for me? » What does that mean? What does your life mean!? Anyways, if anyone can catch me using the word ‘the’ in this post I will make a part two! Remember the views expressed here are mine alone from personal experiences and do not reflect on the average nature of these hostels’ everyday functions! So, go visit sites like Hostelworld and decide for yourself! I mean, if you feel like it 🫠
