To er or not to er

(get it? Like tour 😉 but like also Shakespeare?)

One of the main questions any travel newbie has got to ask themselves is if they want to include tours on their trips or not. Knowing me, as a legendary traveling broke boi, you might expect me to answer that question right here in this post.
But, uh, man screw that I already drank the Koolaid. I might be broke but I got standards sometimes!

Okay but joking aside, tours are one of those things I came into the game trying to avoid, but they are generally a big part of traveling depending on how you travel. Me personally, it comes down to accessibility. If there are places I can reach myself, I would 9 out of 10 times go it alone. However, from remote jungle villages to untouched beaches hiding where roads forgot to spawn, sometimes you need help to get places. Double that if you can’t and/or don’t want to drive or rent a car.

Then, there’s also the question of knowledge and safety. Stuff like safaris are probably best left to the pros, lest you wanna test the lions’ stress and end up with the blessed. (Bars) Also, if you are tryna learn or are kinda dumb (like me) a guide can help. Your braincells will thank you later!

To the Point I get now

So, all that out of the way, I have taken a bunch of tours at this point. So many I can barely keep track. However, there are always a few that stand above the others, etching the skid marks of their vans’ wheels on the interstate highway of memory (insert better metaphor). For ya boi, I got 5 on it, I take sacs to the face whenever I can, and I’m literally about to list my 5 favorite tours. So, read on if you dare!
Even if you don’t dare, just read on. I need the clicks…

1. Merzouga Desert Tour, Morocco

So this list was designed in no particular order, but if we talk influential tours, this is indeed the one that brought ya boi to the game! The first tour of the ones I took on this list, you can tell by the grainy photos riddled with timestamps that this was old fashioned. But the tour, was anything but out of date or out of touch! Lasting 3 Days (2 Nights), it was my first tour of this magnitude and man did it live up to my expectations!

While I might have been more than slightly intoxicated at 5am when I got picked up from Marrakech’s Djemaa el Fna, the beautiful rolling hills as we descended south woke me up. You see the landscape change before your eyes as the arid valleys emerge out the cloud, clad in rows and rows of clay buildings scattered across valleys. By the end of the tour, you ditch valleys and hills entirely for desert dunes and the faded architectural brilliance of iconic fortified towns like Ait Benhaddou or the much larger Ouarzazate, nicknamed “the door to the desert”. Grand testaments to traditional Berber urban planning and beauty.

The main event of this tour, after hikes in between canyons and orange-colored caverns, and dinners set in in the opening salvos of the Sahara, was a camel ride. Now, to be clear, there’s a discussion to be had about the treatment of the camels. I didn’t know going into it how they were mistreated and upon seeing some of it, it raises a lot of questions. But, if you would still be willing to indulge in this tour, or have a historic beef with the camel for all the crimes they committed against in the past (you know who you are), it really is an amazing experience.

We left early, to parade around the dunes as the sun paraded around us for the first time that day. The lights are extravagant, painting the sandy slopes. You get to wear turbans and ride along in groups of four for the tours. Lasting about an hour altogether, it’s truthfully unforgettable. Just note that, for those enjoyers of their groins, the camels humps might do some renovating in that beloved region.

Tour Details

• 3 Days, 2 Nights
• Pickup and Dropoff: Marrakech
• Around $140
• Find out More: Here

2. Tana Toraja Tour, Indonesia

This was by far one of the longest tours I’d ever taken in my whole damn natural born existence. Even cutting out all but the Tana Toraja section is not doing it justice. Truthfully this tour consisted of Toraja and South Sulawesi and I almost died several times. But we’re not here to talk about death. Except that it’s just that the Toraja culture is literally famous for their funeral and burial rituals. That’s right, between rice paddies and rainforests, I stopped to gaze up at cliff-carved graves. I saw mummies and filled tummies with food that brought me to another spiritual plane.

But wait, that’s not the only thing dying! One of the most surreal and extreme moments of this tour, and one that for the record is only optional, is to see a traditional Toraja wedding ceremony. These include the killing of water buffalos. Yes, right there, in stark color. It’s different cultures and traditions so I don’t want to judge but know that that’s only a possibility and of course not for the faint of heart. You don’t even need to do all that though, the guides made sure we understood the cultural and religious significance of all the exotic happenings around us.

The architecture simp in me also has to shout out the traditional Tongkonan houses of the Toraja people. We visited a bunch of traditional villages featuring heavy use of this style during the tour. Hell, I even stayed in a hotel designed in the style and it was heaven. Get it? Hell, heaven, death. We’re talking about death again! Know why? Cuz the feeling of death is as indescribable as the memorability and grandeur of this tour! Simply to die for!

Tour Details

• 5 Days, 4 Nights
• Pickup and Dropoff: Makassar
• Approximate Price: $616
• Find out More: Here
  (for this one, I learned of the tour from a different tour guide so this link is not exactly the same tour I took, just to the main website. They do pretty customizable tours based on the itinerary you want)

3. Mount Everest Flight Tour, Nepal

Contrary to the last one, this is by far the shortest tour on this list. Still, the name says it all: Mount Everest. Doesn’t that alone make it worth it? Now, let’s be clear as the mountain skies here; Mount Everest can and should be explored on foot as well. If you can manage it and do it smart, it’s destined to be much more rewarding than merely seeing the peaks by sky. However, Mount Everest is far from child’s play. When I saw it, Chucky was nowhere in sight. No but, you need to be a real hardcore and experienced mountaineer to make the trek.

If you’re not up to that task, a flight tour is your best option. Mine was comfy, cozy, at worst a little cramped but hey that helps me with the aliteration game. I got picked up from Kathmandu around 5am and the flight itself started somewhere around 6 or 7am. The whole buildup to Everest was amazing. The other Himalayan mountains, while having less clout, are still incredible to see. The plane flies leisurely and us viewers are best with scrumptuous views of clouded ranges and icy cliffs. Plus, on the way back, if you love pollution then uh, have at it bro!

Still, the sight of Everest itself is the real draw. It’s not everyday you could say you’re seeing something that legendary. I felt surreal when the pilot remarked we had reached it. I never stopped digging into that well for my flexes to this day. The flight is quick and breezy, everyone’s luckily given window seats and the eyes orgasm from the overload of hilltop beauty on display. Whether the weather tethers its ball towards uh a good condition (I lost the metaphor) or a bad one, this tour is one for the memory vaults. Unforgettable.

Tour Details

• 3-4 Hours
• Pickup and Dropoff: Kathmandu
• Approximate Price: $80
• Find out More: Here

4. San Pedro de Atacama’s Geysers Tour, Chile

So, I visited these geysers on a multi-day package that included like 4 tours in 3 days but we’re only discussing the crown jewel of that tour. Sprouting out San Pedro de Atacama, Chile’s beloved deserty masterpiece, this was another early morning adventure. The desert is crazy too with its weather changes. I remember when I left to embark on the tour it was freezing cold. 4am (not 5 for once) will do that to you. However, by the end, as I was being stalked by the alpaca mafia who were undoubtedly preying on my downfall from a hill away, I was boiling.

This was one of those tours which accommodates everyone. It was as trilingual as life seemed to be in San Pedro de Atacama, with cameos from English, Spanish and Portuguese out of our fantastic host. Beyond language diversity, we were fed some trill breakfast food and given the chance to eat llamas too. Clearly everyone’s goal in life. But, wait, I hear you quack, this is one of them geyser tours not one of them breakfast and llama eating tours! What about the geysers? And of course the alpacas hate you! You ate their cousins!

Yes, the geysers were without doubt the stars of the show. They were so respectable, I referred to them as “guy” , “sir” and all that despite them fuming. Get it? But nah, nothing beat the image of rows and rows of smoke chimneys rising against the backdrop of the emerging sun. The dampness of the air, the rainbows waving good morning overhead, the skies filled with smoke and shadow; it’s a photographer’s dream. Now, you know ya boi ain’t really got the photo skills like that but even I tried my damnedest to do it justice. Just one of those tours man. One of them ones.

Tour Details

• 4-5 Hours
• Pickup and Dropoff: San Pedro de Atacama
• Approximate Price: $212 (As part of a larger tour)
• Find out More: Here

5. Shark Cage Diving Tour, South Africa

To end this journey into the world of dope tours is something a lits diffs. That means a little different in shark. That’s right, we got the sharks on this one! It’s short, it’s watery, there’s seagulls. But there’s also joy and adventure. Like a lot on this list, I got picked up early morning from my Cape Town hostel. What’s more they even brought ya boi to the airport in the end. It was diffs but lits (shark for different but lit).

Nevertheless, the meat and potatoes was the arrival to a little station on the coast. We got fed. We got snacks. All hankydory. Yet, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous when we departed on a boat, and suited up in full on wetsuits, equipped with snorkels. I’d done tours before but these type of tours were new to me. As we left land in the dust, dusty shores were replaced by turquoise skies rifes with bustling waves and excited birds. Everyone took turns getting dumped to the sharks.

Of course, everyone is safe in the cage during tours like this. We got dropped in, like 8 of us in a long, narrow cage on the side of the ship and told to kneel and stand based on directions revolving around the movements of the shark homies. They got close sometimes too, lured in by the chunks of fish thrown offboard. It was really amazing how close I was to them murderous snouts from time. Still, I made it hour about an hour later in one piece, enjoyed a lunch, and got a new souvenir.

Tour Details

• 3-4 Hours
• Pickup and Dropoff: Cape Town
• Approximate Price: $220
• Find out More: Here

Conclusion

If you read this and get this far, remind ya boi/duck to actually write posts for each of the tours listed here. Some don’t have posts at the time of this writing but I felt inclined to write this. Also, I’ve taken like more than negative 1 tours at this point so I can write another post on the topic! Should I!? Let me know! Say yes, maybe, or nod your head violently in the comments! But like in written form so I can see it of course.